Let’s jump right in! I am that mom.
The mom who is conflicted! On one hand I want my kids to grow and be independent so they don’t end up needy. But on another hand I want to help them with everything because soon enough they won’t need me.
I don’t know!
It does not help that I have (self diagnosed) OCD either! I NEED things done a certain way and if they are not, it completely throws off my day.
But how do you balance this?!
Through time I have learned to get over myself and focused more on the task at hand: teaching them independence.
How do you do that?
By being their guide but allowing them the freedom to make their own decisions and mistakes. By teaching them that they have control over certain things. But mainly showing them that you trust them and their capabilities.
Some days I refuse to pick up their backpacks, socks, Chromebooks and such. Other days, I do it all. But how do they manage and learn anything this way? They just do. They have seen their dad and I work together for years. They know when there is a need, there is a way.
Certain days they help me with laundry, dishes, cleaning and more and other days they don’t. So I guess we have come up with a routine that works for us. We help each other out when we need to. I have given them enough guidance and showed them how to do certain things in order to grow and survive. But most importantly be there for each other.
If they are hungry and I am not available, I am confident that they will manage to prepare a simple yet filling meal for themselves. If their clothes are dirty, they know how to change themselves. If they need entertainment, they can and will find ways to have fun. But when they need me, they know I am always there for them.
So I guess I am raising both, independent and needy kids. Best of both worlds.
In the end, it comes down to learning to make mistakes but also take responsibility. These are equally important skills to posses throughout life and when independence grows, so does confidence and so do kids!
Trust the process.